a perfect match made in the greenhouse

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how my wife and I are perfectly matched for each other. I don’t know how this happened. I was so young when we got married. I met Tamara when I was 19. We met at a University cafeteria called The Greenhouse. I had just finished heating up a piece of my mother’s killer lasagna with the communal microwave, when I noticed that The Greenhouse was completely packed. There was no where to sit. How would I ever enjoy this delicious meal without a proper chair and table? Then I saw it. One empty spot. It was a table for two, but who was the mystery person that I would have to sit with. There she was. What a vision of absolute beauty and grace. I walked over to the table and asked if she would share her lunch table with me. That was the beginning of my life. We talked for hours. I skipped the rest of my classes that day just to talk with this new fascinating woman. I was hooked. It may have been my stomach that brought me to her, but it was my heart that took over from there. (I think this is probably how many men get snagged by a woman. Stomach first, then heart.)

She was three years older than me at the time. Some how, I’ve caught up now. Actually I think I may be older. So, being only 19, I looked like a boy. She definitely looked like a woman. In fact, those are exactly the words my father used the first time I went out with her. With a tear coming down his face, my Dad said, “My boy is going out with a woman!”

Two years later we were married. I was too young to know who I was and if Tamara was the right kind of person for me. I didn’t know what I needed in a life partner. I didn’t go into this with my head. I followed my heart. I have a friend who is 36 and still not married. I think he’ll get married soon. What’s so interesting to me is that, after all these years, he knows himself and knows precisely the kind of spouse that he would need. When Tamara and I were married we were kids. Fortunately, our hearts did not lead us astray. We are perfect for each other. Maybe our minds didn’t realize how compatible we really were, but our spirits must of known. We are really lucky. I thank God for His mercy.

Like all relationships do, we’ve certainly had our troubles. However, at the end of the day, we are perfect for each other. We are still in love. Our strengths balance and cover each other. Look at us now:

In our relationship, I am the emotional one. My regular daily pattern is to rise and fall emotionally over the smallest reasons. In one moment I could feel so excited and happy, only to come crashing down into a state of melancholy in the very next moment. It doesn’t take much to set me off either way. I’m really working hard to be more steady. Tamara, however, is as steady as they come. She doesn’t react. She stays calm and collected. It really serves her well in knowing what to do in difficult and challenging situations. She doen’t panic. This helps her make good decisions. She is very wise. I’ve learned to depend on it. I, on the other hand, will rise into the stratosphere in total ecstasy simply because I hear a song on the radio that I love. When the song is done, I may fall into a mild depression because my mind begins to regret that it’s not one of my songs that I’m listening to on the radio. I start to fear that my dreams are lost forever. What a head case!

Lately, Tamara and I have been wondering if our cultural backgrounds have a part to play in determining our disposition. I come from a Latin based culture. Portuguese people are often very passionate. When Tamara came to one of my family gatherings for the first time, she asked me why everyone was yelling at each other. She thought that they were having a dispute. I replied, “No. This is just how they talk.” Like my family, I am dramatic and very passionate about life. I’ve learned to see how this passion can be used to inspire others. I also use it to inspire my wife and children. My heart is to see them live life to the full and reach their dreams. On the other hand, Tamara comes from the British culture. There was a proper way to do everything. She was taught to place her food on the plate in a specific order. Her father would get upset if the daily newspaper was left out of it’s “proper perspective.” Recently we discovered this poster that was used in England at the time of the Second World War. This poster completely captures how my wife operates on a daily basis. Here it is:

This is my wife’s motto. I can’t believe the Brit’s. The Nazi’s are bombing the hell out of London and their pep talk to the people is “keep calm and carry on.” I think if it were I that had to write the caption for the poster it would be something like “eat, drink, and keep your loved ones close tonight, for tomorrow we may all die.”

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