a cruel crisis in crap management

I feel like a garage band is banging away in my head. I must have caught the bug that I was so desperately trying to avoid all weekend, as my daughters and wife all fell ill to a terrible flu. My poor baby twin girls had it the worse though. They experienced what causes most of us to dash over to the toilet every few minutes. (so appropriately called “the runs”) However, my girls don’t do “poo-poo in the potty” yet. They call upon the official diaper changer of the family once they have done the dirty deed. That expert “but cleaner” would in fact be me! I’ve estimated that over the past two years I have probably changed over 5,000 diapers, from the twins alone. (never mind how many I did in previous years with my two older boys) I’ve actually gotten quite good at it…and fast too. I don’t think it is a marketable skill though…I wouldn’t necessarily put it on my “resume.” Let’s see. How would I phrase it? I know – an infant waste disposal professional!

Sure, I’ve wiped enough dirty bums in my day, but nothing compares to what I had to endure this weekend! My girls were filling their pants like I’ve never seen it. There were moments when I had to take each of my little princesses to the change table four or five times in a row. I’m talking about a straight hour of non-stop diaper duty. This went on all weekend. Talk about a crisis in crap management. I don’t know what to do with it all. It was even too much for the Diaper Gennie to handle. (In case you lack experience in the world of diaper products, the Gennie is designed to hold dirty diapers and contain the stench.) This was not happening. I believe I probably caught this bug just from the smell alone. Think about it, diaper change and diaper change, I smelled this foul aroma. It went right into my being. I know you can’t catch the flu through smell, but I’m sure that the virus mutated or something.

Well, now I don’t feel too good. I’m a little worried because I’m going to Holland on Thursday. I’m only going to be there for three days, speaking at a conference. I can’t be sick! So, please if you are a praying person, send one up for me if you can.

thanks.